Thursday, August 5, 2010
My submission as it is right now
I've always known that I wanted to be with a man that was a strong leader. The man I chose is naturally dominant and I am somewhat naturally submissive. I have no problem asking him if wants something to eat or drink, or another drink. I fix his plate and bring him everything he needs or asks for (that doesn't mean he never gets anything for himself, it's just that I do it most of the time) and it's not because I have to, it just comes naturally to me. I often answer any direct question with "yes Sir" or "no Sir". Not because he asked me to it just seemed appropriate. And yet I find that I am not as submissive as I should be, and hes not exactly living up to my definition of HOH. The chores aren't getting done and there seem to be no consequences and I find that as a result of him not following through I am provoking him into spanking me. I know that this is not submissive, but what am I supposed to do when he isn't holding me accountable for what I'm not doing?
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NbN, I love to serve my husband as well, and he greatly enjoys it. It is frustrating when you feel that he doesn't notice your bad behavior. I'm there at times.(like now!) It helps to continue to check yourself, and work on your own self discipline. For me, that only confirmed to my husband that I wasn't acting out to provoke him. But then, we fall back to that like recently. I did brat in the beginning and it only served to undermine his trust in me. Not saying that you'd do that. Just sharing why we're where we are, at least partly.
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