Monday, November 21, 2011

It's been a very long time since I've posted. I have met my soul-mate. We are in a domestic discipline relationship. We both fell like it is the most right type of relationship for us. We got engaged last month. We are currently living on opposite ends of the country. I will be moving my blog and starting a new blog for our new relationship... I will post a link when I get it started. I'm so torn tonight. He was able to make arrangements to come out for thanks-giving and is flying in town on Thursday! I can't wait to see him... however I have disobeyed him many times and when he gets here it will be time to pay the price. I love this man more than words can describe... I so excited and so equally sad about him coming. I think a lot of the sadness is knowing that he will again have to leave

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

What I want a my domestic discipline to do for us

The Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, Woman that I want to be

I want to be gracious, not only under pleasant circumstances, but most importantly during times of stress and frustration. I want to be admired by those who not only know me best, but also by those people who have only just met me. I want to be remembered as generally happy and polite. Most importantly I want to be calm and consistent when life gets crazy. When circumstances feel like they’re spiraling out of control, I want to be able to be strong, stand tall, and smile (appropriately), because getting upset and acting rashly only makes a stressful situation that much more stressful. I want to have this demeanor so much of the time that people around me notice it. I want to avoid rash emotional reactions that will inevitably lead to embarrassment and apologies.
I want to have a home that is well kept, clean and orderly. I don’t ever want to be embarrassed if someone shows up on my doorstep un-expectedly. I want to smile, open the door and invite them in with peace in my mind because I know that my house is clean. This is also true of how I want to feel about my car. I want to have pride in the things I own, by taking care of them. I want other people to notice, that although I may not have the most expensive things, they are nice and well cared for.
I never want to have an argument or cross words with my husband in front of other people. It makes me very uncomfortable when couples argue in front of me and I would hate to do that to someone else.
It’s important to me, to be responsible with money and budget. I do not want to be worried or stressed about paying a bill. I want to have money in the bank to handle emergency situations. I want to be able to delay gratification, and shop smart, not purchase things impulsively. Ideally, I want to have one year’s salary saved in the bank.
I want to obey my Husband. I want to marry a man that I know will always have the best interest of our family as his number one priority. As long as I know that in my heart, then being an obedient wife should never be a problem. I do not ever want to hide things from my husband, or tell half truths. I want him to be proud of me, proud to have me as his wife. I never want to embarrass my husband or my family by my actions.
I want all of this to be true about me. I want it to be who I am. I want it to be what I do. I want it to be so frequent and common that everyone around me knows it to be true. Of course, I realize that nobody is perfect, but I honestly believe that the harder you try the closer you can become.
What is it going to take for me to be who I want to be? It’s going to take a truly amazing husband. It is going to take a man that shares all of these same values. A husband that is striving to be the best man he can possibly be, as I strive to be the best woman I can be.
I need him to know me extremely well. Almost well enough to know what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling before I think it or feel it. He doesn’t have to be psychic; he just has to pay attention. I want him to notice a slight change in body language or tone of voice, so that he can read my emotions. He needs to know what feelings or thoughts are going to affect my behavior and be able to talk to me about it before I go off course. He needs to lovingly hold me to the standards that we have agreed are important to both of us, and he needs to accept nothing less.
I need him to be strong and un-wavering, as well as thoughtful and considerate. When a problem occurs, he has to be able to think about the situation calmly. When he’s done that, I need him to act, and hopefully, whenever possible, improve the outcome. If I am the one that is behaving in a way that is taking me, or the family, further from our desired direction, then he would need to put a stop to that behavior immediately, so that it doesn’t unravel into something with great consequences. With thoughtful, considerate, and loving discipline I truly think that I can learn from my mistakes, and continue on to make better choices and decisions.
When I have a husband that is willing and capable of providing me with the strength, love and guidance that I need, in order to become the woman I want to be, I owe him my respect. Showing him respect, not only for the man he is, but also for our relationship. Showing him respect, shows respect for our shared philosophy. That man that I am asking him to be must be at his best, and constantly making sure that he is acting out of love and looking out for the best interest of our family. That is a lot to ask of one person, it’s a big responsibility. Because he is willing to this for us, in return I need to be respectful. I need to address him as Sir, and not argue with him or disobey him. I have asked him to lead me, and at times carry me; if I trust him enough to do that then I should trust him enough to be respectful and obedient. When I disrespect him, I disrespect myself, our relationship, and our philosophy as well.
I understand that I am inherently female. I am feminine in almost every way, with a female brain. My natural instinct is to respond to life emotionally. I feel secure with my emotions; after all they are what make a woman. I do however realize, that being too emotional, or acting solely on emotions, is not going to lead to a positive outcome. This is where I really need my husband to step up to the plate, so to speak. It is crucial that he is able to lead our family with his head first, followed extremely closely by his heart. He must not be manipulated by my emotional state, he must however, be understanding of it. He has to be 100% certain of the direction we are going. If he is not, he has to be able to recognize that and take a moment to analyze what is going on and gather his thoughts. After he has done so, we as a couple, can “re-group”, and get back on the same page.
We will both make mistakes, we are human. What is most important is that we acknowledge them when they occur, and we learn from them. In order to be the woman that I want to be, I need love, accountability, guidance, and discipline. I truly believe that having common goals, and working together to achieve them, will result in a very happy marriage, and a very happy life.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Not a lot to report

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything lately. The cowboy is out of the picture, there just wasn't a lot of chemistry there after all. I may have a couple dates coming up, so I'll let you know how those go... thanks for being patient.

Sunday, January 30, 2011


To go from protected and taken care of to completely indepentdant. I miss the butterflies, the fear, and the satisifaction of the discipline that would happen if I crossed the line. I miss him. I miss us. I know it's better for both of us to be apart, but knowing and feeling are two completely different things. I know that I will find someone else, I know that it will never replace what we had together. He will always be my best friend and I am so glad that we talk almost every day, I don't know what I would do without him. I am trying to be pateint and allow myself to have this time to adjust, I'm struggling though. Sadness creeps in and I feel desperate. Like nothing will ever be right again. I know it's a temporary feeling, but it's very overwhelming. Thank you for reading. As always I appreciate all thoguhts and comments.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Cookie Butt

I didn't make these, but I thought you would all enjoy, I'm thinking about making some for valentines day, it's a silly holiday in my opinion, but I like silly things

Saturday, January 8, 2011

It's official

K and I are no longer seeing each other romantically. We haven't actually seen each other at all in about a week. There is more than one reason. He posted 2 blog entries, before I read the first entry I was going to link his blog to mine. I thought it might be interesting to catalog our venture into TTWD from both perspectives. I quickly changed my mind after reading his first entry.
At some point when I have more time I would love to pick this apart and tell you what and why I have problems with this. And no, I am not being submissive at all with my opinion, but I think it takes a lot more than 2 weeks to develop the kind of trust and respect that needs to be in place for that kind of submission. Mostly what irks me is the repeated use of "she needs". How in the hell do you know what I need after 2 weeks?
I was not and am not interested in bdsm with someone I just met, perhaps I'm not interested in it at all. His entire entry bugs me, it gets under my skin in a way that pisses me off and makes me want to take a shower. As if I could somehow wash away the irritating words I've read.
After I read it I decided just to wait a while before I responded. Then he made another fatal mistake and committed relationship suicide. He quite seriously suggested that I might be interested in web-cam porn as a career choice. Whaa? Um... wai... uuummm... what did you... really? He couldn't be serious. I ignored his suggestion, then he brought it up twice more, leaving me no choice but to respond. It wasn't pretty. I am used to being treasured, not asked if I would like to perform sex acts in public for money. This he also blogged about it, I don't have the frame of mind to write a response to that entry either.
Arg. Anyways basically, we are so wrong for each other at this point it's almost funny.
If you all think I'm crazy let me know. If you think I'm right you can tell me that too. If you have another opinion all together, please share it. Don't be a lurker here, please comment.

Monday, January 3, 2011

No Parking

I was in the kitchen at K's house doing dishes. It was shortly after 9 am. He suddenly rushed out the front door with a slightly frantic "Uh-oh!" I had no idea what the problem was but I wasn't too concerned and just went on with the dishes. He came back inside and asked "Did you park in front of the mailboxes?" Suddenly a flash memory of the sign that is hanging on the mailboxes goes through my mind. The sign reads, No Parking within 20 ft. of Mailboxes. Uh-oh. "Um, yes I did."
"Okay, well if you block the mailboxes, the mailman won't deliver. Just now he didn't even bother to stop."
"Oh sorry. I did read the sign." I'm not sure why I said that except that I didn't want him to think I didn't even bother to read the darn thing. Open mouth, say something even dumber... "I just didn't think you meant it."
Now we're both chuckling at how stupid that sounded.
"You didn't think I meant it? You thought I was bored one day and just decided to hang a sign out there so that people would have something to read as they drove by?"
Um... yeah that makes sense right? Why would I think he didn't mean it? I don't know what I was thinking when I ignored the sign. I was still kind of chuckling about it though.

"Your ass is going to be soo red if you ever park there again!"

Now, if this threat had come from W, I would have turned pale. However, K and I don't have that same repor yet. It's really an interesting place to be when you are getting to know someone and starting a relationship that is sort of incorporating domestic discipline from the beginning. I have known for a long time what it is that I am looking for in a life-long partner, so it seemed natural to be up front about it. I think most people incorporated this life-style into an already existing relationship, which is what I did the first time. This is all new territory for me.

Later that day I left to run some errands. When I returned I again parked in front of the mailboxes and the no parking sign. My thinking was that since I had to go to work in the morning, surely I would be gone by the time the mail came. Then I got a text from my current and temporary boss that I wouldn't need to be in until 9 am. I thought nothing of it. We went about our evening enjoying each others company, then the phone rang. It was the neighbor across the street. (Her mailbox is on his side of the street next to his) She was concerned about the car in front of the mailboxes. K looked at me... "Did you park in front of the mailboxes again?"
"Yes, but I'm going to work tomorrow morning. Do I need to move my car?"
"Well, you probably should, just so she doesn't worry."
A very reasonable request. It just happened to be about 9 degrees outside by this point. When it's that cold at night, you can bet it's been pretty cold all day. Having run around in the cold, it took me a while to get warm and I was not ready to go back out into the cold car. Have you ever put your hands on a steering wheel in that temperature? I considered his request and decided that I would surely be gone before the mail was even about to be delivered. "I am not going out there. It's too cold." I was wondering how my matter of fact statement would go over.

"Alright, well I'll just have to move it in the morning."

Really? Okay, cool. I don't have to freeze to move the stupid car. Great.

We went about our evening and eventually went to bed. I slept pretty soundly until the alarm clock started at 7:15. Then we dozed only to be interrupted by the alarm 10 minutes later. We did this a couple of times. Then he said "I gotta go move your car." I groaned. I knew it was going to be stupid cold outside. "Because I have to get up and move your car..." my nice warm pants got pulled off my backside... "You are going to get it." I felt the sting of the incense burner. I nice inch wide piece of wood that has become his favorite impromptu spanking implement. This was a very un-welcome sting to my still trying to slumber behind. He continued to deliver the stinging strokes about 20 more times before he picked up his wooden paddle. It's not particularly thick or big, it's a little thuddy with a sharp sting. He's had it for a while, apparently his son found it some time ago. He's just recently found a good use for it. After about 10 smacks with that he went back to the stingy incense burner for another 15 or so whacks. By this time my rear was nicely warmed. I squirmed after a few of the swats only to have my squirming body held still with his hand and leg. I was going no-where. When he was finally done I had an evenly stung behind and was collapsed in a very nice state of relaxation on the bed. He got up to move the car.
This spanking didn't have the same dread that W's did, and it wasn't nearly as painful. It was nice, nice to have him follow through with his promise and nice to be taken care of. It was nice that he moved my car, necessary or not, and that he choose to take his annoyance out on my butt. It was a different discipline spanking than what I was used to and it was a nice change.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year!

I will make no resolution this year... I hate them. I thought I would catch you up on my friend and I and where we are and everything. So K has done some DD research and I have been explaining and answering questions that he has. Mind you we have only known eachother for about 2 weeks. We do not officially have a commited relationship, much less a domestic discipline relationship. It is nice to be open about what it is I'm looking for though. Spanking thus far, has mostly been for fun. He is very interested in bondage and some other BDSM type of things, which I am not so sure about. I'm willing to try anything once, but it's never been a fantasy of mine. We have fooled around with some bondage and spanking which I enjoyed. He however has been wanting to step it up to the next level, I'm hesitant. Having never experienced anything like what he's talking about, I just want to take my time. I do see his ability to be dominent in every day life things and I think there is potential here. Where this will all lead at this point? I am not sure yet. I am sure that I miss W, his guidance and firmness, his tone and my security. I talk to him every day. Part of me thinks that I am just not ready to jump into another intamate relationship. So slow is how I am going to take it.
K is fun and funny and threatens me with "punishable offenses", which I enjoy. So basically, so far it's fun.