Thursday, August 5, 2010

Here is the letter I've written to W, I'll let you know what happens

I would like to start off by saying thank you for everything you do for me. I know you work your ass off and you take really good care of me. I appreciate you and love you very much.
I’ve been thinking lately though. It seems I have some very bad habits. When I was working full-time I had an excuse for things not getting done around the house because I could just say that I was tired from work. However now that I’ve been out of work for a while I notice that the same things are not getting done. I was afraid this would happen. I tried to make a list of things that I needed to get done every day and you helped assure me that it was in the best interest of my backside that I get them done. However slowly one by one I stopped doing my chores and you started letting me slide out of my responsibilities. I am never going to be as successful in life as I could be if I am lazy and I procrastinate. I want to get rid of my bad habits so that I can be a better and stronger person. I want to replace them with good habits and just being able to accomplish what I intend to accomplish on a given day. While I know all of this I find that I constantly make excuses to you and to myself about why I couldn’t do whatever it was.
I think part of the problem was that 50 strokes with the hickory paddle are just way too many. If I think I have that many coming I can barely force myself to hold still for even the first couple of strokes. I am way too scared to co-operate which makes you frustrated and angry and eventually you just give up and walk away mad. In a way I end up getting out of the punishment, which isn’t fair to either of us. So my suggestion is 5 strokes for each chore or task that I’m supposed to complete that isn’t done by the given deadline, such as when you get home. Then an additional 5 strokes for every additional time the same chore isn’t complete. For example, if I forget to lay out your clothes, I get 5 strokes. If I forget to lay them out again, I would get 10 and the third time 15, and so on. I think that if we did it this way, I would actually get the external motivation I need to build healthier habits, and the punishment wouldn’t be such a chore for you because I won’t fight you on it. Also I was thinking that for any stalling, arguing or covering of my behind should result in 2 penalty strokes. I can learn some self discipline to take what I have coming to me and the whole thing can be over in a matter of minutes with very little effort on your part. Also you may want to consider reserving the hickory paddle for more serious offenses, like if I did something stupid that put my safety at risk or if I were to directly disobey you. Trust me, the way you use the strap on me is plenty attention getting.
I think if we implement this way of handling my behavior and stay consistent with it for about 3 months I really think things will improve. I think the frequency that you will have to discipline me would be a lot less often. Without that discipline and structure that I know you can give me, and left to my own devices, I make poor choices. I think that if you were to take the time every day to see that I had accomplished what I was supposed to I wouldn’t provoke you as much. If I was disciplined consistently for my smart mouth and disrespect that would probably get better too. I think the problem has been spankings that got too hard and I was scared to take it at all and then I fought you and it became a chore or I would resented the discipline because in fight and refusal to move I caught a smack somewhere other than my behind.
I would really like to re-visit this. After some thought I believe I know why it didn’t work the first time and how we can make it work this time. I’m really hoping you’ll try it again. If it doesn’t work then perhaps we can find something that does.
I read these blogs by women and men that practice domestic discipline in their house. I completely understand where the women are coming from. I can’t really explain it or put it into words but I really think it would work for us too. I would be happy to show you the blogs or any of the other websites that explain and discuss domestic discipline. I’m not crazy, I’m not a masochist, and I’m not the only one who feels like this is important. I just thrive under guidance and structure and external motivation. I think you know that I don’t enjoy being punished. I don’t enjoy being spanked. What I do enjoy is feeling important and cared about enough that what I do matters to you because I matter to you. I also like the way I feel afterwards, I actually feel like a better person, I feel like I can do things better and I feel proud of myself for staying in line and doing what I am supposed to do. I also know that I have these bad habits that I want to change; I’m just not a self motivated type of person. I was thinking along with the chore sheet perhaps we should have a list of rules so that I can really work on some of these habits. Here are the rules that I think are good and you can change whatever you want,

1. Be respectful
2. No temper tantrums
3. No smart mouth
4. Complete your chores, all chores all the time
5. Do not leave laundry in the dryer or folded in the basket
6. Clean out the fridge every Friday
7. No smoking in the house
8. Complete all tasks on time (errands, phone calls, business to be handled)
9. Be obedient, no means no
Eventually I would like you to help me quit smoking but that’s later.


  1. NbN, you sound so much like I was in the beginning. I think that it's really important for you to give him the feedback part, but telling him how he should do it instead may not help him find his own way of doing things. Just a suggestion. Your rules seem reasonable. What does he think of them?

  2. Elysia, he still has not read the letter or seen the rules, hopefully today and I will be sure to post about it when he does.