Saturday, January 8, 2011

It's official

K and I are no longer seeing each other romantically. We haven't actually seen each other at all in about a week. There is more than one reason. He posted 2 blog entries, before I read the first entry I was going to link his blog to mine. I thought it might be interesting to catalog our venture into TTWD from both perspectives. I quickly changed my mind after reading his first entry.
At some point when I have more time I would love to pick this apart and tell you what and why I have problems with this. And no, I am not being submissive at all with my opinion, but I think it takes a lot more than 2 weeks to develop the kind of trust and respect that needs to be in place for that kind of submission. Mostly what irks me is the repeated use of "she needs". How in the hell do you know what I need after 2 weeks?
I was not and am not interested in bdsm with someone I just met, perhaps I'm not interested in it at all. His entire entry bugs me, it gets under my skin in a way that pisses me off and makes me want to take a shower. As if I could somehow wash away the irritating words I've read.
After I read it I decided just to wait a while before I responded. Then he made another fatal mistake and committed relationship suicide. He quite seriously suggested that I might be interested in web-cam porn as a career choice. Whaa? Um... wai... uuummm... what did you... really? He couldn't be serious. I ignored his suggestion, then he brought it up twice more, leaving me no choice but to respond. It wasn't pretty. I am used to being treasured, not asked if I would like to perform sex acts in public for money. This he also blogged about it, I don't have the frame of mind to write a response to that entry either.
Arg. Anyways basically, we are so wrong for each other at this point it's almost funny.
If you all think I'm crazy let me know. If you think I'm right you can tell me that too. If you have another opinion all together, please share it. Don't be a lurker here, please comment.


  1. Elaina, I think that you are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!! You have a right to have your own standards, and if someone insists upon "violating" those standards, then you should free yourself from that individual. I am sure that there are multitudes of guys who would love the gift of your submissiveness and not ask you to do things that you absolutely would want to do. Be careful to whom you would "submit" yourself with the full knowledge that that person really LOVES you, is concerned about your well-being (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually), and shares many of the same standards as you have!! If I were only 30 years younger, I would make an offer to treat you as the special gift that you really ARE!!! Please do NOT "give yourself away" to anyone unless that person really "adores" you!!

    Advice from "Daddy Bob"

  2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts Daddy Bob, I hadn't thought of it as giving myself away, but, now that you say it, that is kind of what I felt like he was asking me to do. Which when you put it that way is rediculous.

  3. Hi Elaina,
    I'm sorry for your struggle. When I read your Dec 22 post I thought it was a very reasonable set of expectations for both you guys. I can understand your irritation of his assumptions about what you need. I'm not trying to pass judgement on whose right or wrong but I know that after several years my wife and I still wrongly assume the other person shares our mindset on some issues. Its suprising and sometimes hurtful. You have to do whats best for you and I pray God gives you wisdom.

  4. Elaina:

    Not quite sure how I ended on your blog.

    BDSM is quite a complicated relationship that is about choice. Yes, there are a percentage of couples (or poly) that engage in a master/slave relationship whereby the slave relinquishes all of her choice (except the choice to leave).

    The majority, enter into a NEGOTIATED relationship, with predetermined limits that can be expanded when MUTUALLY agreed. The dominate that cares about his partner assiduously avoids doing anything that harms his partner. Most also use safe words, at least until they know each other well enough that they become superfluous. There are similiarities to DD, but in BDSM the emphasis is more on mutual pleasure as opposed to behavorial discipline (though many adhere in BDSM adhere to this as well).

    Your friend/partner was not wrong in his wants/needs. But, assuming after 1 month that you shared them, without your explicitly saying you did, was egotistical, at best.

    Good luck in your search.

    Rob of NYC.

  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. Well Im sorry Rob of NYC I had posted a response to your thoughtful comment and when I tried to edit it it got deleted. Im not sure how you ended up at my blog either, but I hope you stay and continue to comment. Thank you for your thoghts, and, I agree with you. However, you put it in a nicer perspective.

  7. Elaina,
    I followed you back from your kind comment on my site today. I haven't read much here yet but I did read this and I am so happy to see that you are a very wise woman. When somewhere in your mind that little bell goes off 'this just isn't quite right' LISTEN to it!!

    It took me 49 year of life and 23 year of marriage before I was able to listen to my submissive side and share what I wanted with my husband. While I don't suggest you wait that long, you need to have a relationship built on friendship and complete love and trust before you can explore this part of you.

    I am eager to read more here.