Topping from the Bottom

I am really trying not to top from the bottom, that's why I left him alone about DD for more than 2 years. The problem is that his idea of a memorable spanking for me is more like a thrashing and I just can't stay in position, which is disrespectful and makes him understandably angry. I'm really just trying to compromise with him on the number of strokes I get for breaking a rule, I want to be submissive and I want to stay in position for him. I hate when he walks away from spanking me and he's still angry because he had to fight with me to do it. I can't blame him for being angry, and I feel even more guilty than before he spanked me. He does like being in charge and running the household and he's very good at it, and I am very thankful that I have such a wonderful man. I'm just trying to get the discipline part right, without topping from the bottom. His alternative is just to not spank me at all, which really doesn't work. We've never had written rules that I was supposed to follow. Pretty much all I ever got spanked for was having a smart mouth or being insolent. I am asking him for more structure with slightly less severe punishments. He still hasn't read the letter so I can make changes if it's really not expressing what I wanted it to.