The Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, Woman that I want to be
I want to be gracious, not only under pleasant circumstances, but most importantly during times of stress and frustration. I want to be admired by those who not only know me best, but also by those people who have only just met me. I want to be remembered as generally happy and polite. Most importantly I want to be calm and consistent when life gets crazy. When circumstances feel like they’re spiraling out of control, I want to be able to be strong, stand tall, and smile (appropriately), because getting upset and acting rashly only makes a stressful situation that much more stressful. I want to have this demeanor so much of the time that people around me notice it. I want to avoid rash emotional reactions that will inevitably lead to embarrassment and apologies.
I want to have a home that is well kept, clean and orderly. I don’t ever want to be embarrassed if someone shows up on my doorstep un-expectedly. I want to smile, open the door and invite them in with peace in my mind because I know that my house is clean. This is also true of how I want to feel about my car. I want to have pride in the things I own, by taking care of them. I want other people to notice, that although I may not have the most expensive things, they are nice and well cared for.
I never want to have an argument or cross words with my husband in front of other people. It makes me very uncomfortable when couples argue in front of me and I would hate to do that to someone else.
It’s important to me, to be responsible with money and budget. I do not want to be worried or stressed about paying a bill. I want to have money in the bank to handle emergency situations. I want to be able to delay gratification, and shop smart, not purchase things impulsively. Ideally, I want to have one year’s salary saved in the bank.
I want to obey my Husband. I want to marry a man that I know will always have the best interest of our family as his number one priority. As long as I know that in my heart, then being an obedient wife should never be a problem. I do not ever want to hide things from my husband, or tell half truths. I want him to be proud of me, proud to have me as his wife. I never want to embarrass my husband or my family by my actions.
I want all of this to be true about me. I want it to be who I am. I want it to be what I do. I want it to be so frequent and common that everyone around me knows it to be true. Of course, I realize that nobody is perfect, but I honestly believe that the harder you try the closer you can become.
What is it going to take for me to be who I want to be? It’s going to take a truly amazing husband. It is going to take a man that shares all of these same values. A husband that is striving to be the best man he can possibly be, as I strive to be the best woman I can be.
I need him to know me extremely well. Almost well enough to know what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling before I think it or feel it. He doesn’t have to be psychic; he just has to pay attention. I want him to notice a slight change in body language or tone of voice, so that he can read my emotions. He needs to know what feelings or thoughts are going to affect my behavior and be able to talk to me about it before I go off course. He needs to lovingly hold me to the standards that we have agreed are important to both of us, and he needs to accept nothing less.
I need him to be strong and un-wavering, as well as thoughtful and considerate. When a problem occurs, he has to be able to think about the situation calmly. When he’s done that, I need him to act, and hopefully, whenever possible, improve the outcome. If I am the one that is behaving in a way that is taking me, or the family, further from our desired direction, then he would need to put a stop to that behavior immediately, so that it doesn’t unravel into something with great consequences. With thoughtful, considerate, and loving discipline I truly think that I can learn from my mistakes, and continue on to make better choices and decisions.
When I have a husband that is willing and capable of providing me with the strength, love and guidance that I need, in order to become the woman I want to be, I owe him my respect. Showing him respect, not only for the man he is, but also for our relationship. Showing him respect, shows respect for our shared philosophy. That man that I am asking him to be must be at his best, and constantly making sure that he is acting out of love and looking out for the best interest of our family. That is a lot to ask of one person, it’s a big responsibility. Because he is willing to this for us, in return I need to be respectful. I need to address him as Sir, and not argue with him or disobey him. I have asked him to lead me, and at times carry me; if I trust him enough to do that then I should trust him enough to be respectful and obedient. When I disrespect him, I disrespect myself, our relationship, and our philosophy as well.
I understand that I am inherently female. I am feminine in almost every way, with a female brain. My natural instinct is to respond to life emotionally. I feel secure with my emotions; after all they are what make a woman. I do however realize, that being too emotional, or acting solely on emotions, is not going to lead to a positive outcome. This is where I really need my husband to step up to the plate, so to speak. It is crucial that he is able to lead our family with his head first, followed extremely closely by his heart. He must not be manipulated by my emotional state, he must however, be understanding of it. He has to be 100% certain of the direction we are going. If he is not, he has to be able to recognize that and take a moment to analyze what is going on and gather his thoughts. After he has done so, we as a couple, can “re-group”, and get back on the same page.
We will both make mistakes, we are human. What is most important is that we acknowledge them when they occur, and we learn from them. In order to be the woman that I want to be, I need love, accountability, guidance, and discipline. I truly believe that having common goals, and working together to achieve them, will result in a very happy marriage, and a very happy life.
